Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
