Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
