I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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