It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
