and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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