oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
