I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
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truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
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Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I still have a little drunk in my system
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
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