The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
