Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
