this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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