I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
