Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
The Olympian is in my bed
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
