I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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