I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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