there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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