thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
