I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
