Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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