I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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