His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
