Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
