I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
