someone threw a dead crab at me
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
