I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
