I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔