just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
