She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
