his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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