She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
