searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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