how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
