I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
