i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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