the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
