My boss' voice literally gives me gas
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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