I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
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She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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