My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
