sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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