Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
