I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
