I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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