I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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