Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
