Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
