I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
