Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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