If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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