Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
