Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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