he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
