At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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