Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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