I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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