Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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