Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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