Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Randomize