Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
