dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
