she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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