dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Alive.
So much puke
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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